Some days I just feel trapped. By obligation. By love. By need. By breeding. I'll never be able to walk away from this job without having another. My bf tells me that I can. That I will be safe. Safe? For how long? How can I depend on the "maybe" of life? I hate my job. I've never hated a job as I hate this one. How can a company who preaches unity, open mindedness and a desire to take care of it's own be so fucking false. The owner said something this evening, which although I'm sure he thought it was funny wasn't. He said that with the new GM here, I'll be helped by his presence to learn how to be a good leader. FUCK YOU! I wanted to be able to turn to him and say, "I guess you're right, I'm not a good leader. Good luck closing tonight. Bye." But then what? Poverty? Insecurity? Fear? Panic? Stress, for sure. I need to paint. Even if I only sell one painting a month, I'll be able to supliment atleast one of my paychecks. I hate the way this world makes you put everyone else above yourself. Everything is about pushing harder, stretching beyond your limits and giving more of yourself then you recieve. How can anyone live like this? I'm only 25 and I'm already thinking about secluding myself. Going to some foreign land where my nearest neighbor is 20 to 30 minutes away. I feel sometimes like I'm going to have a psychotic break. I know I stress too much, but even when I tell myself that I'm not going to let things get to me....the world infringes on that desire to let all the crap go by adding more to the pile.