Question.
When do you go from being a concerned friend to being a rat?
In life you go through so many different friendships, some are great and help you grow. Some stagnate that growth and even occasionally help you to revert into a self ritious asshole. I don't want to be an ass, and have made extreme efforts to not be. But whenever I shed some light on the behavior of certain friends I can't help but feel like I should just shut the fuck up and let everyone live in ignorance. It sucks because I feel so incredibly stressed out and angry when I hear people speaking badly about those that I love. Keeping it to myself, like I think I should, makes me an angry and resentful person. I don't want to be that way. However if I say what's going on to those whom it effects, it meerly breaks them down and creates weirdness on all sides. I hate this!! I hate feeling like I should just swallow all the anger and all the betrayal. I hate feeling like I'm in the wrong. Do I protect my friends by opening their eyes to the world that they've surrounded themselves in? Or do I shut it and just let them live in ignorance? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a rat.
In life you go through so many different friendships, some are great and help you grow. Some stagnate that growth and even occasionally help you to revert into a self ritious asshole. I don't want to be an ass, and have made extreme efforts to not be. But whenever I shed some light on the behavior of certain friends I can't help but feel like I should just shut the fuck up and let everyone live in ignorance. It sucks because I feel so incredibly stressed out and angry when I hear people speaking badly about those that I love. Keeping it to myself, like I think I should, makes me an angry and resentful person. I don't want to be that way. However if I say what's going on to those whom it effects, it meerly breaks them down and creates weirdness on all sides. I hate this!! I hate feeling like I should just swallow all the anger and all the betrayal. I hate feeling like I'm in the wrong. Do I protect my friends by opening their eyes to the world that they've surrounded themselves in? Or do I shut it and just let them live in ignorance? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a rat.
posted by Neri at Monday, November 07, 2005
4 Comments:
Well, it's not really your place to say anything to those living in ignorance because you're just a messenger. Like you said, it just causes weirdness because the other people can't speak their mind themselves, and it causes resentment for you and those in ignorance because while you are trying to communicate, it stresses them out which I am guessing also stresses you out.
I think the only really healthy course of action is to tell those who are talking bad about people you love** to please stop doing so around you because you don't agree with them or appreciate the comments. If they continue, then stop talking to them. While it's not your place to pass on the info and open their eyes, you don't have to be stressed out about it. Well, not any more than you currently are, since the damage can't be undone.
**This does not count letting off steam like in a normal relationship, where there are a couple things that drive you batty about being in close contact with another person - like sibling stuff. I mean real, true, vicious, vindictive, hurtful things.
One more thing, after you tell them you don't want to hear it, tell them if they are really bothered they should talk to the people themselves. And, if they get angry that you don't want to hear about it anymore, you don't really need to surround yourself with them anymore.
*hugs*
Good advice Angie. *nods*
Thanks...I hope it helps.
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