CONFUSED!!!

NO YELLING? NO ANGER? RESOLUTION? REALLY!?!?!!?!?
Oh my God, a family discusion that didn't end in yelling, tears or people leaving?!?!? I'm confused and relieved! It's all so foreign to me. I still feel some guilt though that the discusion had to happen because of me. I mean, it's my fault. I couldn't come home and be happy anymore. It was weird, for the first time in a year, I felt like I hated coming home more than I hated going to work. Granted I didn't actually expect to have any sort of rational conclusion out of discusing it. I'm sorry that it came to it. I did speak up once it became to much for me. And I am grateful that no one yelled at me!!! It's amazing how you can feel like you're 5 years old again. Like the mess that you made trying to clean the kitchen floor (to make mom happy) wouldn't have resulted in being screamed at and having to stay up until past mid night scrubbing the floor (I mixed two cleaning agents that made the floor gummy, NOT shiny) with a bucket of hot water and a sponge. I'm messed up in the head about a lot of things. I'm sorry if the knots of "YOU"RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! YOU HAVEN'T TRIED HARD ENOUGH! YOU DISAPPOINT ME!!", in my head ravel you up from time to time. I try not to get crazy or upset, or even feeling like I'm not good enough. But sometimes the screaming in my head is louder than the desire not to listen.