Therapy

Ok, so I've started therapy this past week. I can't see her again until the middle of next week, it's a matter of scheduling. I want to see her sooner! It's funny, because i'm worried my therapist will think i'm crazy! lol but i'd have to be a little lose in the brain to need her at all! :)

Oh well, the point is i'm taking strides to freedom. Freedom from my thoughts!

I cut last night. I haven't done that in almost two years. I was just so....chaotic i guess would be the best way of saying it. I keep myself bound to this prison of a body. I know that although i bitch about wanting to lose weight, i'm the only one that's keeping myself down. The problem is, how do i fix it!?

Extreme calm is what i felt when i slid that blade across my skin. The pain was present too, but it felt like i had a focus. When i was done, i felt guilty and satisfied. Guilty for doing it, because i promised my bff that i wouldn't ever do it again. Satisfied that i had! I forgot that i threw away my wrist covers a few months ago. I resorted to wearing an old watch that doesn't even work. :) lol whatever!

I just need this therapy thing to work. I have high hopes for it! BTW, she said i was dead emotionally. lol with the roller coaster ride that are my emotions, i don't get that!